![]() ![]() Letting go when they ask is better than hanging on and watching it shred your friendship apart. ![]() But even if it does mean you’re losing them, it’s better than hanging on and making them angry at you and be consistently frustrated with you, them being annoyed with you bc you won’t stop loving them. I was filled with this huge fear that I’d I let go of him, he would drift away never to return. I learned that letting go doesn’t necessarily mean that you are losing them- I thought it did and so I held on. I have learned so much since then and through that. I won’t tell you how much BC some things are too personal. And I wasn’t surprised, I knew it was coming. ![]() I let go the night he told me he was dating her. And then he found the love of his life and finally I was able to let go. I hated who I was, my personality, all that was wrong in me. It was all wrong and of course, he was always right… so I learned to hate myself. The way I communicated was wrong, the way I showed affection, the way I held on. But we are also vastly different people and he did not understand how I communicate or how my emotions work, and BC I respected him so much, he always had to be right! So the way I was was wrong. And most of what went wrong was bc I could not and would not let go. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not an horrible person! He’s a very great guy. I tried to be what he wanted- as a woman, as a friend. He broke my heart more times than I knew one human could cause in another. I broke in that time, more times than I knew it was possible for one human to break in so short a time. Bc he wasn’t the right guy for that and he never wanted my affection in that way. I would go back and make myself never ever love him the way I did, never ever look at him as perfect the way I did, never ever try and change myself for him, hate myself for him, trust him unconditionally. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. There’s pieces I have just blurred out in my memories BC I want to forget. The second time I fell in love… I’m still processing it, to be honest. …okay maybe I hung on a while longer lol, but it was a good kind of break, ya know? It hurt but I let go and it was over. I grew so much, I learned so much, it was a good thing for me to walk through. The first time I was in love… well I don’t regret it. The third time, I knew he didn’t want to pursue it to that relationship so I held myself back- and I’m very glad I did BC now it’s easier to be just friends and I value his friendship to the moon and back. I have been in love twice, and very nearly a third time. And I will break many many times because of it. I will always dream there is a happy ending. I will hope that you will want me, even when it is ridiculous for me to do so. I will love you when I know you won’t love me back. When you love someone but it goes to waste ‘Cause you lose something you can’t replace When the tears come streaming down your face When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep When you get what you want but not what you need “When you try your best but you don’t succeed The song “Fix You” by Coldplay really speaks to me. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |